The Relationship Bank

We can compare relationships to banking accounts.
Everytime you do something nice for the other, your crediting onto your account.The arguments and fights and misunderstandings debit from your relationshp account. Now there are things that you do, like the big things such as travelling together or spending the entire day together, these are big amounts that are credited. But they are few and far apart( Cuz doing them regularly is going to debit a lot from your actual account). My advice is to not rely on these big transactions. They're bonuses. For eg going on a trip or an expensive dinner to make up for fights doesnt make sense. But there are small things you can credit into your account on an everyday basis which on the long run adds a lot to the Relationship account( henceforth referred to as RA). They are things such as calling during to work just to tell the other person that they're on your mind, or telling them how much you appreciate what they did or telling each other what happened all day just before you sleep etc..These things ensure you have enough balance in your RA during the tough times. i.e your relationship is deep enough for both of you to fight through the tough times.
Now there are 2 ways most relationships handle their accounts.Like all accounts, the RA needs to keep growing. Remaining stagnant is not an option.

• Some draw big, deposit big. These couples have crazy fights and the lows are extremely low.But similarly the highs are extremely high. Such relationships are lot more volatile and more exciting.
• Some draw small, deposit small. Now these relationships are a lot more stable but not that exciting. The highs are just not high enough.

My relationship is more of the first sort. But over time we've noticed that we're spending too much from the RA and even though we're depositing quite a bit, the balance is not increasing much. So gradually a cost cutting phase has occured where we are trying to reduce the big withdrawals. To a large extent constantly keeping your mind on cost cutting makes you spend less. Here even maturity which I think has come over a 8-9 months of long distance has helped a lot.

Now investments. As the saying goes never live beyond your means, Never plan an investment (could be anything from meeting each others parents to planning marriage to having a common bank account to moving in togther) where you don't have the means to pay it through. So unless you have a sufficient balance, the investment is never safe.The investment differs from person to person. For some meeting the parent may not be such a big deal, where as for some it is a significant thing.

Locking of Investments. Sometimes some couples have invested so much in the relationship that though they know it is not going in the right direction, the are not able to disinvest. It is like being the relationship because you know no other way. Comparing this to the US credit crunch, when too many people have their money locked in investments they cant come out of easily, it reduces the liquidity in the market. Here it might be the number of eligible girls who you can start an RA with but she's locked in a dead investment :p

Also the return of investment . You dont invest something where you dont get good returns. Here the returns are stability, somebody to depend on with whom both of you can grow and help each other reach their max. Many couples forget this fact that the relationship should not be a liability but a bonus.

I am no relationship expert but I think if you look at relationships on the long run with these parameters, you will be able to get more out of your RA .

Honeymoon Phase Termination

In life, experiences are a lot like Indian marriages.. Your relationship could be that experience, it could be your experience in a new place or with a new technology at work.. so you get the point..but it is more apt for relationships
I have a good friend. Since he is an important part of my life, and might be mentioned in my further posts, he shall henceforth be referred to as ‘Sanakla’ .
So sanakla gets to know a girl (sanakli). This is the Introduction phase.
After this is the courtship phase. During the courtship phase sanakla impresses the sanakli and sanakli gets familiar with him. There the dropping of defences . Though people are highly opinionated, they start changing their opinions proactively during this phase.
After this is the honeymoon phase. During this phase people are blind in their judgements and they start seeing things through rose coloured glasses. Everything is awesome in this phase. The things people find cute in this phase are usually the things people find irritating later on.
Now please note… people can exit the equation at any moment in any phase. So what happens during exits.
For an exit to be called successful there are 2 critical requirements- timing and synchronization.
Synchronization as in the exit should be discussed by the parties involved and a suitable exit strategy can be developed. Else one partner could end up stranded.
Timing as in during which moment in which phase does the exit occur.
Now unfortunately for my friend Sanakla, he got caught on the wrong side of both the critical requirements. The sanakli exited at the Honeymoon phase with Sanakla still deep in the honeymoon phase which displays total lack of synchronization. Since this occurred during the honeymoon phase, our poor sanakla has only rosy memories of cute incidents. Things normally rated as 8-9/10 are amplified in the mind and rated 19-21/10. Since he never reached the Reality phase, he has not had the reality check which tells him 8-9 though good on its own is not a 19-21. Now whenever he meets a new girl, it is a comparison with a 21 which is pretty hard for the new girl to live up to.
So the solution for this problem is another Honeymoon phase with a proper reality check after that. But to get to a new honeymoon phase he needs to come out of this one first…. Which makes the problem recursive for poor sanakla :(